Wednesday, March 7th

Today was a day of contrasts. I had my first "working" session with my Learning Supervisor, Rev. Paul Walfall. It was very productive both in terms of expanding our relational dynamics and in covering a multitude of "tasking" items such as learning goals and a plan to complete and transfer over the work that I've been asked to do in Vauxhall and South District congregations.

It was in the conversation rising from my insatiable appetite to see the world through the eyes of the people living in Barbados that a "nugget" of insight was placed on the table. Sensing that "nugget" caused much, much inner contemplation. In essence we were talking about the psyche of people in general in different cultural contexts. I was offered the perspective that many people in the Caribbean continue to suffer from their historical context - a context that has embedded a psyche with issues of self-worth as contextualized into the global context that continues to be dominated by the British/North American. These issues in turn under gird much of the attitude of victimization where "others" are looked towards for "rescue". These attitudes could be seen in small and large ways throughout the church and throughout the society. Many are working hard to dispel this attitude - there is currently a "strive for excellence" campaign on the island. And of course, the liberating gospel of Jesus Christ that offers redemption from such victimization is being preached throughout the land.My heart broke. As I walked the beach later that day I embodied a fullness of lament that I have come to be familiar with more often over these last years. I like the concept and experience of lament as opposed to being depressed or in angst. Lamenting is real, active and deep without tearing at my own inner fabric. I do not need to fall apart inside, I just need to let my heart be touched and be wounded by that which has caused the lament and that which will, I believe ultimately call out a new understanding from the lament.

Lamenting is something the United Church of Canada has engaged deeply over the years of integrating the reality of the legacy of the Residential Schools. In my last years of theological studies, I found the development of lamenting as a people a wonderfully helpful framework and process. I delight that there is more and more work being done on the need to recover our abilities to lament in order to honour our pain and turn it into an action of justice.

I lament often as I move and live with Barbados. I lament because of the historical realities between the "north" and the "south", the "developed" and the "developing", the "white and the "dark". May these moments of lament indeed give me a new voice eventually!

May we all be blessed!