This n' That

Well the journey is certainly moving to a different place where once again I am acutely aware that I'm neither fully here nor anywhere. It is to be expected and I am giving myself permission to be sad and happy at the same time and not think there is something wrong. That is healthy for me! It is to be expected because I'm in the midst of putting together my presentations and meetings relating to the outreach ministry component that I've been asked to nurture with Vauxhall and South District Methodist churches. That is very much a looking here and looking forward exercise. I am also trying to write my final internship evaluation report which is taking much contemplation of what I have experienced when I look back over the time here in Barbados. And thirdly, I am in the midst of my settlement process praying that I will have a church to go to when I get home which then means that I will also be able to be ordained. There have been brief moments where I have begun to think about how do I now walk into a 3 year ministry with a new community of faith? Backwards and forwards and in the moment all at once!

So today I can share just snippets of 2 experiences with no particular flow or profoundness other than they each are embedded in my being. Last Tuesday I granted myself a day off knowing that I would be working through the entire weekend. Decided to revisit Crane Beach on the east coast which I had seen when my daughter and sister came to visit. I was able to find myself in a totally secluded spot and settled down for some meditation and writing and painting. The seclusion was twofold - away from all the people and protected from the pounding waves by rocks that created a temporary sandy knoll before the tides rose enough to transform the space into a shallow pool. The time spent here was of total embodiment of sensations.

First was the sound of the waves crashing and the thunder of boulders pounding against each other with the force of the waves. Yet I remained protected. Second was the sheer force of nature against nature in the sculpting of rock by wind and water - it made me aware of my own puniness in the face of eternal force - that's not to say that I had a sense of insignificance, just a recognition of the sheer power, might and awe of creation as an expression of God. An awareness that in the face of this awesome power, humankind still tries to tame and control what is often seen as chaos and unpredictable (notice the human structure at the top of this rock edifice on the right). I contemplated more those notions of God being in that which our humanness experiences as chaos.

As I lay in the sand, my eyes were closed letting my skin absorb all the sensations. My fingertips became alive as I touched gently and forcefully the very warm grains of ancient rhythms. I was acutely aware of the periodic lapping of cool water on my legs and offered a distinct counterpoint to the hot grains of sand at my fingertips. Time disappeared for awhile. At some point the cool lapping water all around me alerted me to the increasing tide. Though the developing small pool continued to refresh me I also knew it was time to relocate my canvas and paints to dry ground. When I accomplished that task, I returned to my haven and began to notice how the currents of water were moving. At times water came from one direction and flowed almost unabated through the hollow creating shimmers that delighted my eye. Yet with the next waves, water flowed from several directions and when they met there was turbulence and force. The movements were full of energy in one moment and then within a few more moments, a flow was reestablished and the chaos dissipated and the sand remained seemingly like before. Other times the same flows of water met and where previously they had created turbulence, this time they weaved into each other and created a strong more purposeful flow among the grains of sand and rocks. With these images vividly before me I began a long time of journaling on how we people of God seem to be like those waves and all of their possibilities. How sometimes we shimmer, sometimes we create chaos and sometimes we create beauty and purpose from the differences that merge. Where is holiness in all of these?

After journaling and then painting, it was time to go for a swim to cool off. That required a hike to the other side of the shoreline to Crane Beach itself that is towered by the spectacular Crane Hotel and some private properties. Swimming was next to impossible for the waves had continued to increase and the undertow was noticeable. The water was still refreshing. This trek to the populated part of the beach also made me aware of the gift that I had been given that afternoon - a pure gift of time alone with Sophia (Spirit).

The rest of the week was focused on getting ready for my presentations. Yesterday (Friday) I attended the last day of the Vacation Bible School that the Circuit had been running during this extended Easter break (extended because of the World Cricket Cup games that has brought thousands of extra tourists onto the Island). It was a delightful hour and I was so very touched by the number of children from Vauxhall Methodist church who came running to me to give me a hug. Ahhh...children are wonderful!!!! The exuberance and noise were equally wonderful but perhaps more for me having just entered the space than the leaders who had been working with the 80+ number of children over the last week or so. As I sign off for now, let me just share some of these children with you......

Two weeks of living - part two

Glad to be back again - perhaps its the thrust of my whole mindset where I find myself having to focus and shape the story of my time here as well as the ministry that I am undertaking. In four weeks tomorrow I leave the Rock and these direct experiences though they will live in my being forever. I realized this morning as I try to gather yet more and more information and make yet another contact for a potential partnership for the outreach ministry that I am engaged with on behalf of Vauxhall and South District Methodist Churches, that the time is here to stop that process and begin the full assimilation story of the vision that has been rising. Yet I need to go back to Holy Week to look again at the journey before I arrive to this morning.

Palm Sunday Celebration was at the early service (7 a.m.) at Dalkeith Methodist Church on the east side of Bridgetown. It was to be my first communion service ever where I presided by myself. The Bethel Circuit granted me dispensation (permission) to administer the sacraments (Communion and Baptism) while I was here on internship with them. I will always be indebted to their trust in me for this. It was a very powerful experience for me that morning. Any time that a group of people choose to become a community and participate even symbolically with the community of spirit around the world is a moving moment for my being.

I was glad to have the assistance of one of the local preachers to whom I gave permission to tell me to stand here or say this or that. The overall process of Communion is the same - yet the details are significant enough to put me on edge a little this first time. For example, the people come and kneel at a communion rail which harks back to my childhood experiences with the Lutheran church. The bread is the same small cubes and the juice is in the same small cups that I'm used to but the bread and juice are given individually to the people rather than they taking a piece off the plate. I figured that out on the third row of people by noting their hand positions and their hesitations. Good thing I've learned to laugh at myself!! Then there was the matter of the various formal prayers which are done quite differently from my experiences with The United Church. Being already aware of how differently styled the prayers are here in Barbados compared to my realm of experiences, I had to ask the assistant to say the first one after the people had received the elements, just so I could listen and find out generally what was appropriate to be said. They got easier and more focused each time, I think.

The children come up at the end for a blessing which is again different from my experiences at home though I have been to other Canadian churches where that is also the case. I thoroughly enjoyed giving them all a blessings though personally my heart yearned to have them participate in communion as full members of the Body of Christ at this Banquet Table.

All of this experience was made even sweeter for me since my daughter and my sister were there in the front row - bless their hearts for getting up @ 6 am to come to worship while on holidays!!

That service at Dalkeith started Holy Week. Every night I held a worship service at one of the six churches in the circuit. Monday night I was with the folks at South District and that was to be my last time with them, just because of the way that the preaching schedule worked out. Earlier that day I had to say goodbye to my daughter and sister. That set the emotional stage for a sermon on the nature of ministry that we are all called to have - a ministry that can be simultaneously wonderful and profoundly difficult. There were a few tears as I invited them to think of what God was asking them to take on in their neighbourhood - a ministry that will be very difficult and simultaneously life-giving.

Tuesday evening I was at Vauxhall, Wednesday night I was at Providence for the first time. Then Thursday night was a joint Circuit celebration at Bethel (main downtown church). I was the preacher for the evening. Needless to say I was nervous; fortunately I had grown comfortably into my sermon, relying on the advice of my many mentors over this last year to preach with the Bible in one hand and life in the other; to preach as a story-teller, for that appears to be my greater skill. It was good advice - most of the comments at the end of the service were thanks for sharing of myself and for inviting them to see Peter's feet and not only Jesus' hands as a way of ministry (Story of the Footwashing). My point - making oneself vulnerable to be served by others not only allows for our own healing but puts us in a much better position to see what we demand of others as we attempt to serve them - I called it the Dance of Vulnerability. Others simply came up after the service and hugged me. I was touched.

This service was also a Communion Service and all the ministers participated. There were 5 of us there - I'm not used to so much formality but it did not hinder the experience from being very moving. Again it was the reality of serving the people with those who specifically had welcomed me into their midst with open arms and hearts. I got teary and was unable to offer Prayers of Blessing when Rev. Walfall asked me to do so. I worked hard to get my emotions under control and was able to offer those prayers later during the service. I was glad to have had this experience.

The next morning I was back for a 9 am service at Belmont for Good Friday. Later that afternoon I attended a Good Friday pageant at Vauxhall and then returned to Belmont for their Choral Presentation of the Messiah. I was honoured half way through the night when the choir director came over to me and handed me a copy of the music so that I could follow along. He had called me the week before to invite me to sing with the Barbados Choral Singers. I had declined for I knew that I was not able to find the time to practice with them. But I was touched by his actions and thoroughly enjoyed humming along quietly! I was forcefully reminded how much I would enjoy singing in a choir when I return to Canada.

Well Saturday was a day of rest and preparation. Easter Sunday came early - the sunrise service was at Bethel @ 5 am. It was wonderful a wonderful gathering - people were singing their hearts out and Rev. Walfall stirred their emotions to sing even more. It was a celebration of the Resurrection indeed but for me it was also a little bittersweet for I also longed to be celebrating with my family and friends back home. Those feelings climaxed during communion.

I had to leave the service as Communion was finishing (around 7 a.m.) for I had to get to Vauxhall for their Celebration @ 9 am. Once again this service was very meaningful for I was able to be more comfortable during the time of Communion. And once again, I thoroughly enjoyed blessing the children and directly saying good-bye to them for this too was to be my last service with this congregation. Another bittersweet moment.

I chuckled to myself when I realized that the service was just over 2 overs long for I wondered if I might bring these "habits" back to Canada. I'm kind of liking these 1/2+ hour sermons (which shouldn't surprise some of the readers of this blog!). Certainly is one of those areas of difference in the church culture in Barbados and that in Canada!

After the service I returned "home" for my first meal of the day and a quick nap. By 3 pm, Basil, Mary and I were out the door for the 175th Anniversary Celebration of Providence Church at 4pm. It was a big event and once again the singing was awesome. The most touching moment for me came once again when Rev. Walfall sang (accappella) The Lord's Prayer with the people responding likewise with the part "Hallowed be thy name". Holiness again.

After the service I was able to talk with Rev. Mulrain, the preacher for the evening, for about 10 mins. I had met Rev. Mulrain very briefly weeks before at the funeral of Rev. Rock. Rev. Mulrain is the President of the Connexion of the MCCA, a position similar to the Moderator of The United Church of Canada. I was delighted to hear about the various facets of ministry that he has had in his lifetime. His passion and humbleness of speech and posture left me with a desire to know more of his thoughts on the opportunities and challenges for ministry for his people.

We returned to the Forbes' home by 8:30 pm. One would think that after nearly 7 hours of services that stated at 5 am, I would be exhausted. But there was much to reflect and integrate from the day - Basil, Mary and I sat around the kitchen table for another hour and half. It was a fitting end to a day of complex emotions and wonderful celebrations with God's people!


Easter blessings to all!


(its a jellyfish!)

Two weeks of living, part one

Well, time with my family has come and gone as has Holy Week and the celebration of the Resurrection. As I reflect on those two weeks, I am becoming more fully aware of that porous Spirit that I longed to touch so many weeks ago when I first came and sat by the "rock" of this island people.

The week with my family here provided me with 2 very different experiences. The first was that of being a "tourist" and all that is involved with the living of moments with that persona. It is an identity that I am familiar with, having traveled extensively through the Caribbean as one who loved the relaxation by and swimming in the ocean and as a mother who thoroughly enjoyed not having to cook and clean while our family enjoyed various resort holidays! But there is a difference here in Barbados where tourism and the interface with tourists is less fraught with tension. I think that the continuing pressure to maintain public access to all the beaches shapes the interface with tourists in a way that is different from my experiences on some other islands where resorts control access to the beaches creating a definitive us/them situation. That situation is often then exasperated by the divergence of other local resources away from the people and their struggling poverty to the tourists and their needs. My observations are of course sweeping but do reflect the attitude of many people on this Island as I have had a chance to dialogue with them about these issues. Having said all that, it was indeed soothing for the soul to rest on the beach in good company and swim in the ocean.

One day, my daughter, sister and I had the chance to discover remote places of the Island with Basil who was generous enough to spend many hours letting us "touch" his land. The east coast and north coast are truly spectacular and so very different from what my eye has seen on the other two shorelines. Having a developing photographer along (my daughter) I am pleased to share some of these discoveries of this land through her eyes. The east coast begins to take on a ruggedness as one travels northward. This Atlantic coastline is full of energy as one sees the effects of the pounding of the surf on the coral rock. But as we drove further and further north, I was unprepared for the changes to the landscape where the combination of winds and currents have carved a majestic and barren landscape with sometimes the most strange shaping of the coral rock.

With rock exposed and trees bending to the wind, one can only image the ruggedness of the people that would have lived on the meager sustenance of this land. Yet there was ample evidence that life can meet the challenges of nature and co-exist in spectacular ways. This was the land that touched Basil's spirit and we were all honoured to have been able to enter the sacredness of this place. It was as if the rock itself had a voice and an energy and a vision for itself as part of all creation. Three days later I found myself preaching on Palm Sunday about how God always has a witness to the holiness that is right before our eyes - if its not humanity that can see the holiness, then the stones will give voice to it. It was the story of the humble ride of Jesus on the back of a donkey with dangling feet inches above the very stones on the road to Jerusalem.

We'll continue the journey next time, God willing!